


Till Death do Us Part

by starscobe67



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: ACAB, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Corrupt Cops, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Gaslighting, Harassment, Healing, Healthy Relationships, Multi, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance with Hotch, Self-Harm, Stalker, Stalking, Trauma, Unhealthy Relationships, Vomiting, go through hell to get out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:27:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23839855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starscobe67/pseuds/starscobe67
Summary: Reader is best friends with Penelope Garcia but has been holding back vital information about herself. When things escalate, will the team be able to save her? And is Agent Hotchner always this hot or is it just reader's imagination?
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Reader, Penelope Garcia/Reader, The BAU Team/Reader
Comments: 55
Kudos: 309





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Even though I am tagging the trigger warnings, I wanted to reiterate them here. Also this was based partially on one of my personal experiences but moved way past that into it's own story. Gotta add more tags as each chapter comes out.  
> Trigger warning for this chapter: Stalking, Harassment, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Panic/Anxiety Attack, PTSD, self harm (minor and accidental but still)

You had known Penelope for a few years now. After meeting her at a bar while both of you were smashed, it was no surprise you hit it off. Only two hang out sessions had happened and already you called each other besties. Her energy, general optimism, and love for all things bright always brought a smile to your face and warmth to your soul. She was also an incredible listener for when work or other stresses piled up.

She didn’t like to talk about her work too much, you knew what she did and knew it could take a lot out of her. Luckily, you were also a good listener and even better company if you’d say so yourself. Taking her out, going dancing, making her favorite dishes, and showing her all the funny and positive things, never failed to lift her spirits when she was low. And she always made sure to tell you when she was in a low place and always reminded you how much you made her feel better.

One thing you hadn’t mentioned to her, ever, were the details of the relationship you had with your ex. Sure, she knew about him and how you’d been engaged and how it had ended badly, but you’d never told her the full extent of how bad. How could you? She had enough of depressing things at work. Better to not add more worry to her life, right? It wasn’t like you were being stalked. Technically.

The actual specifics of stalking and harassment were lost on you and you had no intention to look up the specifics. Knowing might be worse for your own safety of mind. What you did know was that your ex, from five years ago, had been messaging you or trying to contact you at a minimum of once a year. Always one or two specific dates.

While it had been simple annoying the first two years, it was just incredibly unnerving after. You had responded exactly once, since the subject was him finding out about your parents’ deaths. Even so, you ended that conversation with a quick ‘thanks.’ And blocked that number immediately after. You dreaded those dates now and often took off work so you wouldn’t have a panic attack there should he message you during your shift.

Your anxiety increased when an old friend from your hometown let you know he had recently become a cop. It made you much more paranoid, buying two extra locks for your apartment, carrying your pepper spray closer to hand rather than keeping it in your purse, etc. Your social media accounts were already private but who knew what a guy like that would or could do as a cop? The stress was starting to take a toll on you and Penelope could tell.

The last movie night you shared a week ago only confirmed to her something was up. She texted you Sunday evening to ask about your shift the following day and if you could stop by her work for a mini breakfast together. You weren’t working at all so you agreed. And you forgot what day Monday was at all.

After stopping by your favorite diner, you headed to the FBI. Penelope had assured you that getting in would be easy, but it was still a stressful ordeal to see all the federal agent, guns, and general security. You had littered one time in high school and felt like everyone who worked there could tell by looking at you. Which was completely ridiculous because they were all very friendly and helpful when they heard you were bffs with Garcia (you had to remind yourself everyone here called each other by their last names.) Security told you which floor to head to but got distracted with another visitor and left you to wonder which room you needed to go to.

The elevator doors popped open, you stepped out onto the hallway and stared at the glass doors in front of you. She had previously told you she worked in a private room and that left you standing like an idiot with your arms full of food containers and coffee. A tall, sculpted bald man tapped your shoulder.

“You okay, ma’am?” His voice was immediately soothing but something about him was familiar.

“Ma’am?” He asked again, snapping you our of your wonder.

“Sorry,” you laughed nervously, “I’m a little lost and I don’t mean to sound cliché or like I’m hitting on you but you look familiar.” He smiled widely, it was insane how perfect his teeth were.

“It’s not a cliché, you looked familiar to me too. Who are you looking for?”

“Penelope Garcia?” Security told me the floor but didn’t say the room number.” His eyes lit up at her name.

“Oh, so you’re Y/n!”

“Yes?” You didn’t mean to sound as if you were questioning your own identity. “And you know that how?” He chuckled while apologizing.

“Derek Morgan. I work with Garcia.” Recognition sparked in you.

“You’re her office flirt! Err, bestie? Sorry I don’t know what to call it.” He waved off your comment and assured you, both were correct.

“Morgan, Hotch wants to see us.” You turned to the voice behind you addressing Derek. Another tall man, but lankier compared to Derek and with glasses and shaggy hair.

“Be right there, Reid. Gotta show Y/n to Garcia’s room.”

“This is Y/n?” The man named Reid, whom you also now recognized, reached out to shake your hand. You gestured to your full arms (and nearly cold food) and offered an embarrassed smile with an apology. He said it wasn’t a problem, and sorry to have not noticed, and that maybe he’d see you later, then left.

Morgan set a quick pace as he had somewhere to be and knew you’d been waiting a while at this point. As you walked, he pointed out the bathrooms and kitchen (to reheat your food and coffee no doubt) and shared a few small stories about Penelope. Once you reached your room, he knocked, “Hey baby girl, brought you a present!” The door opened and your friend all but shoved him aside to get to you.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET MUFFIN!!!” Initially you welcomed the hug she enveloped you in but tensed up upon her birthday wishes. You heard Derek wish you one as well before he left and Penelope shuffled you into her space.

“Sit here, I’ll warm up the food and drink!” She winked as she sat you down near her desk and snatched the containers from you. As soon as the door clicked behind her, even the neon colors surrounding you couldn’t ground you. You breathing hitched, chest tightened, muscles clenched, tears began to spill over and your mind raced.

Your birthday. Your birthday. How the FUCK could you have forgotten? How?! You remembered checking your phone for the time at the diner but somehow missed the date? It was a stroke of amazing luck that you had, otherwise you’d be having this panic attack in public. You dub your nails into your arm, unaware you had also begun to scratch. You had off work today. You had off this whole goddamn week. You had literally asked off for it and gotten permission two weeks ago. The weight of your phone in your jacket pocket grew heavier.

Had he messaged you yet? Would he message you today? Would he use a friends social media or a friends phone? He only had two friends when you were together. That should’ve been a flag immediately but you were younger. Maybe he had more friends now. Maybe cop friends. Is he allowed to look up your info with his police badge? Is that illegal? Would he even care? No.

Your phone rang. He had never called before, only sent messages. You worried he had decided to go all out but rationed he wasn’t bold enough to speak over the phone. The ring was familiar but in your state, it blended to every other ringtone you had. Your eyes shut tight, you snatched the phone, held your breath and looked. Your body nearly fell onto the ground in sudden relaxation. The ID relayed it was not an unknown. It was your coworker Megan. Even with your finger tips tingling so much, you swiped the call to answer.

“Hey, what’s up? Not too busy without me, is it?” You knew it was never super busy on Monday but joked a lot with her about the random busy days.

“No, not at all,” she laughed lightly, then paused before continuing, “but some guy came in about ten minutes ago asking about you.” You heart and stomach sank. A chill ran through your body like a minor convulsion.

“What did he look like? What did you tell him?” It wasn’t difficult for her to tell you were upset. Your voice was anything but stable. She quickly began to reassure you and give you as much details as she could.

“Hey hey, you’re okay. You’re not here, and he left. I’m in the back right now. He was a tall-ish guy. Like five-ten maybe? White dude, kinda pale. Skinny, but he was wearing a hoodie too big for him and a baseball cap with some cop precinct on it. He asked if you had a shift today and I said I didn’t know anyone with your name working here. He said he was your boyfriend and it was okay to tell him about your shifts and that he wanted to surprise you for your birthday. I told him again that I didn’t know you. He sorta scoffed at me and just left. Do you know him? I know damn well you don’t have a boyfriend. Are you okay?”

You took another deep breath, grounding yourself was beyond difficult right now. This might be one of the worst scenarios.

“Thank you. You did EXACTLY the right thing. He’s not my boyfriend. He’s my ex. I don’t even know how he knows where I work. Fuck.” You were cursing more than usual today.

“Well we got his picture on the camera, if you want I can send it to you. But if he comes in again, we can put a trespass on him. Are you safe right now? Where are you?”

Even though you had never told her anything about your ex, you were stunned by how plain and concerned she was for your safety.

“I’m safe. I’m at a friend’s job. Send me the picture so I can 100% identify him. Do NOT trespass him if he comes back. I’m hoping he doesn’t but if it is him, I’ll tell you and you can show him picture to the others. There’s not good enough cause to officially trespass him. Let me know if does drop by again and promise me you’ll be careful leaving. I wouldn’t put it past him to see if you meet up with me after your shift. Thank you so much.” You choked back a sob, wanting to wait until you knew it was him and she wasn’t listening to fully break down.

“It’s no problem. AT ALL. I got you girl. Let me know if you need anything, okay? I promise I’ll be careful. And,” she snorted, “happy birthday, Y/n.”

“Thanks, I’ll talk to you later. I really appreciate this Megan.”

“I said no problem, dumbass. I’ll update you with anything.”

“Love you, byyye.” You stated softly before hanging up. You wondered where Penelope was. Surely the microwave wasn’t broken? It gave you more time to be alone though, you weren’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. You sat in silent again, letting your thoughts rush back into your head. The knowledge that he knew where you worked, had shown up in person, was too much. Bad being alone. Definitely bad.

You felt your stomach flip worse than before. You skimmed the area to find a trashcan. Within seconds of focusing on it, you knelt down, gripped the sides, and vomited. It was hard not choking since you had begun to hyperventilate again. Regaining yourself some, you spit the last remnants into the trashcan and tied the bag off. You wiped your lips with the back of your sleeve and clutched your throat for a moment. Vomiting on an empty stomach was always worse than vomiting after food. You heard the doorknob behind you turn.

“Sorry about the appearance P. I’m not feeling super good right now.” You said as you turned around, only to lay eyes on a middle aged, black haired man in a nicely fitted suit. You wanted to slap yourself for thinking he was handsome when you knew he was seeing you on the floor looking like garbage fire.

“You’re not Penelope.” You stated dumbly as the adrenaline rush you’d been on began to simmer down. He stared at you for a fraction of a second longer then came further into the room.

“No, I’m not. Are you alright?” He knelt down beside you and moved to put his hand on your shoulder. You flinched in reflex and apologized for it as he retracted his hand.

“You don’t need to apologize. Your body has natural reactions to certain stimuli. You should never apologize for them. They could save your life someday.” He offered you the smallest of smiles and you felt a jolt of relaxation move through your body. He had a kind face when he smiled. You two stayed there for another moment before he stood up. An instant later, Penelope’s voiced bolted into the quiet room, putting you back into a tense state.

“Sorry Y/n, the microwave is on the fritz again and I—” she took in the scene before her. You on the floor, next to a tied-up trashcan, shaking, and the man before you standing in between you two slightly.

“Ooooh my god! Y/n, are you okay? What happened? Hotch, tell me what happened!” She frantically switched her focus on the two of you. Before he, Hotch, could say anything, you spoke.

“I had a panic attack. And um, I vomited in your trashcan. But I did close it up and—” She cut you off.

“Who cares about the stupid trashcan! What happened? What triggered it?!” She turned sharply to the man as she slapped the food and coffee cups on her extra table.

“I need you out, now,” she had said it with force but then froze and added, “sir. Please.” You realized he must be one of her bosses. The fact she had just commanded him had you biting back a small smile. Even he seemed to look a bit amused by her voice.

“You’ll need to be in the briefing room in five. And then you can come back to your friend and help her.” He nodded to you then left the room. It surprised you how you instantly wished he hadn’t left. As you continued to stare at where he had been, you felt Penelope’s eyes on you.

“So…” you started with uncertainty.

“So?!” she responded.

“Long story short, I haven’t told you about one of the biggest stressors in my life and it happened again today, causing the panic attack and vomiting. But I WILL explain everything.” She nodded and kept staring at you, waiting for you to continue.

“ONCE you’re back from the briefing room your BOSS just told you about.” You rolled your eyes. 

She huffed at you, knowing you were right, stood up, pointed to the food to indicate you needed to eat, did the ‘eye to eye’/’I’m watching you’ hand signal and left. You could hear her heals echoing along the hallway until they were out of earshot. You stood up, stretched a little, and began some breathing exercises. You knew the briefings lasted a small amount of time and that Penelope would be back soon. She’d be more upset if you didn’t eat so you started to jab at and then eat the food. You’d forgotten how hungry you were before and as soon as the taste of French toast hit your tongue, you moaned slightly. The flavor was also helping to get rid of the previous taste in your mouth immensely.

Your phone buzzed and you quickly resolved yourself to the back and forth state you’d be in for the remainder of the day. Seeing Megan’s name helped ease your mind but the picture she included confirmed your terror. It was him. No doubt. You replied letting her know and reminded her to be careful. Immediately she replied with ‘gotcha,’ and that she would update you if anything else happened or if anything didn’t. Another moment and a second text came saying she could inform your other coworkers but would be as discreet as possible.

You leaned your back against the wall, sank down onto the floor again and concentrated on breathing. You hated this. Everything about it. Why couldn’t he leave you alone? Why couldn’t he just. Fuck. Off?

“Y/n!” You looked up at Penelope, concern etched all over her face. You realized she was staring at your arms. As you moved to get up, you felt the muscles in your hands loosen and the skin on your biceps sting. You’d scratched and dug a bit too much. Again. Without even realizing it this time.

“Oh, shit. Sorry, didn’t notice.” She broke out of her trance, rumbled through a drawer and began putting band-aids on you. When you tried to tell her it wasn’t a big deal, she promptly stopped you with a hard look. So, you submitted to her help. As she was finishing up, her office phone rang.

“Speak and you shall receive.” She stated after throwing the wrappers next to the trashcan and pressing the call button.

“Garcia, once the plane is up, I’ll call you again for more details. That should be about 45 minutes, so you’ve got a little time to talk to your friend.” You recognized the voice as Hotch and wondered if he was always so considerate of his team members and their friends.

“Thank you, sir. Talk to you in a bit.” She replied as she turned to you.

“Sit here,” she gently commanded, “and when you’re ready, tell me.” The sincerity and softness of her voice broke you all over again.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you! I didn’t want you to worry and you always have so much on your plate from the job and I had forgotten today was my birthday and then he showed up at my work and he’s a cop now apparently and I’m terrified and I hate it and—”

Her head was spinning from this not clear rush of explanation.

“Woah, slow down sugar!? Uhh firstly, who is the ‘he’ in this who’s also a cop? And what does this have to do with your birthday? And what do you mean by being terrified of the ‘he-cop-guy’?”

“Right. Umm,” you took another deep breath, “so starting at the start. I dated a guy a while ago, you remember me tell you about him? My ex fiancé?” She nodded as you braced yourself. “So basically, I ended things with him, after he was super rude about one of my closest friends. After THAT, I began to learn more about the different types of personalities and abuses because of the psych classes I was taking for my masters. And in short, I realized he was a typical narcissistic person and though he never physically hurt me, he was very much emotionally, mentally, and psychologically abusive to me. It took a lot for me to admit that and even more, plus therapy, to recognize and believe that I hadn’t deserved that. Even though he always made me feel at fault for, well, anything and everything.” You scoffed and focused on breathing again before continuing. Penelope hadn’t tried to speak once, and you greatly appreciated her patience. You started up again.

“However, even though it’s been five years, he’d continued to try and contact me. Not a ton, but usually once, sometimes twice a year. And always on my birthday or what was our anniversary. Once it was actually on my friend’s suicide anniversary so it’s a lot to deal with and it really stresses me out even though I’ve ignored all his attempts minus the first message.”

The shock and worry on Penelope’s face slowly molded in anger and disgust when you relayed to her what your coworker told you.

“Y/n, why on God’s green earth haven’t you called the police or pressed charges?!”

“He’s a COP Penelope. You don’t call the cops on cops. Everyone in this country know that. And it wasn’t often enough to be considered harassment and up until now he wasn’t actively stalking me.”

“That YOU know of!” She had interrupted you but you continued.

“Plus, if I did get a restraining order against him, that would ACTIVELY give him my address so he wouldn’t have to use his police stuff to find out.”

She fumbled for words, trying to find a logical way to help you. Knowing you were right but frustrated about it, she huffed and decided the next course of action.

“Okay, So, you stay at my place for a few days,” you tried to object but she went over you, “at a MINIMUM. I’ll monitor your phone if you’re comfortable with that. And I’ll see if I can use my assets to get you a job here, you’ll be more protected overall. That all being said I might have to tell my boss about the situation, so he’ll understand if I need to emergency out of here. Is that okay?”

Were it not for the guilt of possibly burdening your best friend, you’d be speechless.

“Penelope, I can’t just—”

“I said minimum!” She raised a finger as if to scold you.

“I’ve learned a lot in this job and that one big thing is that a guy like this changing what he’s doing is bad news for you. Y/n, I know you like your current job and stuff but you could be in danger. Please, please, let me do this stuff for you. I love you and want you to be safe.”

Part of you wanted to argue but her puppy dog eyes were steel into your soul. You sighed as dramatically as you could and agree. If you were honest with yourself, her help was relieving. She began making phone calls and you finished your food. Maybe, you thought, this could keep you safe from him.


	2. To Crave a Crepe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader has had her life changed to protect her and now wants a little of her old routine back. But will it end well?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Sorry it's taken some time. I've now moved and settled in to a new place so I had to get adjusted before I could write much. Hope you like the new chapter! Also TW for another panic attack.

The move in with Penelope had gone swiftly and much easier than you had anticipated if you were being honest. The case her team had begun to work with on your birthday had ended much quicker than their other cases normally took and as soon as they got back, Penelope had walked (clacked) straight up to her boss, Hotchner, and pulled him aside to give him the details you’d conveyed to her. The two of them left the room they’d been talking in and went to grab the rest of the team to discuss the situation. Without a second thought, the entire group of people you’d never met or hung out with were going over what to do and how to help you. Hotchner was on the phone with someone (you later found out that he was getting you a smaller but still well-paying job within their department). Emily and JJ were walking you through what normally happens in these types of cases and trying to get a feel for what your ex might do next and when. Reid, Derek, and Rossi were asking for your address, what you needed, and what they would need Emily, JJ, or Penelope to get for you specifically (in case there was anything more personal). Seeing them in action, moving like a ballet, was incredible and you tried to not feel guilty about getting their help and taking up time/ resources. But being profilers, they could see your hesitation and were quick to remind you that if you were Penelope’s friend, you were their friend.

The job you had gotten was a simple filing position, clerical work, and you didn’t mind. It let you be away from the job where he’d somehow found you and put you in one of the most secure buildings in the United States. It had sucked that you had to call Megan and your boss separately to let them know that you had to quit and couldn’t put in your usual two weeks, but when you said why, they’d both understood. Your boss had even sent a small bonus into your bank account since you’d been there for two and a half years and helped to improve the place a lot. Megan had told you that she wanted to keep in contact since you’d been pretty close while working and reminded you that if you needed anything, she’d be there for you.

Staying a night at Penelope’s was not something unusual but staying there for a while was odd. Neither of you had had roommates since college so it was taking a little bit of time to get used to each other’s quirks. But rules were set down easily enough and you both stuck to them. Since your new job required much less time than hers did, you ended up with more chores, but you were good with cleaning and wanted to contribute as much as possible. You owed her that much, even if she didn’t agree.

Three weeks had come and gone without any more contact. Penelope had a constant program running for who was messaging you on your phone and so far, nothing. It was somehow both a relief and also anxiety inducing. You expected more action from him since his last attempt had been so personal. Derek, who had decided to invite himself to girls night in at Penelope’s place, had assured you that these feelings were quite normal to have. He was the one you had had the most contact with out of the entire group as he and Penelope were closer. You really liked him. His charm was beyond natural and he gave off the ‘best older brother’ vibes to you. Of course, you loved watching Penelope and him interact. It was like watching a raunchy romance novel in action, even though you knew they were never actually romantically interested in each other.

Another week had gone by and you noticed the groceries in the fridge were running low. You had both been eating too much take out recently and you were in need of some fresh veggies and bread. It was a Sunday, so no work for you plus the farmers market was open. You wanted more than anything to go but didn’t know how it would be allowed. Penelope was dead asleep, hung over as all hell. You were sure the team would want someone to go with you or just go get what you’d want without you going. But the second option was too inconvenient for them. Out of all the members, you’d recalled that JJ and Hotchner were both ones who frequented the market when they weren’t on cases. Still…would it be rude?

You paced the living room, holding your phone in your hands as if that would somehow help you. Your stomach started to growl, it was time for breakfast. And a fresh crepe from the market sounded amazing. A banana Nutella one? Ugh, so amazing. Fuck it. You stopped your legs and texted both of them in a chat.

-“Would either of you be going to the Farmers Market today by chance? P is asleep as the dead and I know I shouldn’t go alone.” A few moments passed as you waited and then the bubbles popped up. JJ responded first.

-“I’d love to but Henry has a fever right now so I can’t. Sorry! :/” Damn, you thought. You were hoping she’d be able to since she and you got along well. You replied that it was fine and included a smiley face to assure her. Even in text, you didn’t want to make anyone feel guilty. Typical. As you sighed, another bubble started. It was Hotchner.

-“I was thinking of going soon actually, Haley’s sister took Jack for the weekend to visit his grandparents. Could I pick you up in 15?” You heart stopped. Wait, your heart stopped? It was just Aaron Hotchner. Your best friend’s boss. You’d talked to him only a handful of times. What was with the heart stopping?? You realized you hadn’t yet replied.

-“Sure, I’ll be ready then!”

The text showed read and he used the reaction to add a thumbs up. Okay. So. You were now going to the Farmer’s Market with Hotchner. Aaron. Hotch? This guy had done so much to help you out and you still didn’t know which name to call him. Hotchner made sense cause he was an important authority figure who had helped you get a job and get away from your ex. But he was also, a nice guy? And you weren’t technically one of his team members. So, Aaron? Goddamnit. Two minutes had gone by during this dilemma. You thought about which shoes to wear and realized you were still only in your pjs. That didn’t give too much time for make up and picking a nice outfit. Wait, again. Not something that should matter? You were only going to the Farmer’s Market for god’s sake. This wasn’t a date.

Even so, glancing at your self in the mirror annoyed you. You ran into your new room, Penelope’s previous home office, and threw on a sundress. August is good for dresses and it’s quick, no need to think too hard. You didn’t want to wear sneakers with a dress, and it would be a hot day so no heels. Scandals. Perfect. You rushed to the bathroom to brush your teeth and throw your hair up into a ponytail. As you checked your phone, you noticed you still had six minutes. Maybe, you thought to yourself, just a dash of make up? And then there was eyeshadow and eyeliner. Simple and easy. Like you would do for any other random occasion with a friend to the Farmer’s Market. You rolled your eyes and felt like slapping yourself. This mad had seen you right after you vomited and had a full-on panic attack. It didn’t matter what you looked like. That would always be his first impression.

You phone lit up with a message from him. He was about to be there. As you turned to leave the bathroom, the pink lip gloss caught your eye. Then you were grabbing your purse and headed out to meet him, a light sheen on pink on your lips. As you hopped into his car, you felt a little like you were going on a date. It was the second time you’d seen him in, well, not a suit.

“So, is this the outfit the leader of the BAU wears when he’s having a day off?” You joked. He huffed lightly, tiny lines forming on his cheeks.

“What, jeans and a polo? I’ll have you know, this is actually my formal wear.” You snorted, his sense of humor was pretty much the same as yours.

“And you? I’m used to the Farmer’s market being filled with people just waking up, not with someone who looks like they should be on the beach.”

“In truth I had considered wearing my pjs, but I decided I should look somewhat presentable.”

“Presentable for who? It might be a bit difficult to find someone to date at the market, it usually filled with old people.” You put a hand to your chest, as dramatically as you could.

“Are you calling yourself an old man? I’m sorry but I refuse to accept that slander.” You sighed lightly, “Plus, I haven’t been out much recently so it’s nice to get dressed up, even for something small like picking out carrots.”

The banter between you two flowed easily, like you had known each other for years. It felt odd but was also, nice. Even during your first meeting, he had a soothing voice and kind eyes. The Market he had taken you to was one you weren’t familiar with and you expressed your sadness at not being able to get that crepe you had been craving. He searched something on his phone, and then pointed across the street. Apparently, the stand you got your crepes from had a building they used right across the street. No way this was real and not a dream. You both decided to shop first and then get the crepes to go after as the market was only open until a certain time. You went over what you needed, then he did, and then he decided to let you go off on your own so you could get some actual alone time.

You hadn’t thought too much about it, but you really weren’t getting much lately. At work, you were around coworkers. At home, you had alone time in your room but it was still Penelope’s house, so it didn’t always feel like you were truly alone. And since you were being stalked, you weren’t really allowed to go anywhere by yourself just in case. During a case they had been on, you were stuck at home and work. It was nice to be spending time with Hotchner. Aaron. You still didn’t know and needed to ask. But it was also super considerate of him to think of something like that. And it did feel lovely to be walking around doing something you normally would by yourself. After you had gotten your veggies,bread, and fruits, you saw a tiny flower stand. The colors were one thing but once you got closer and were able to smell them, it was like heaven. Breathing them in was so pleasant, you forgot where you were for a moment. And then, as you opened your eyes to look at the seller and inquire about their prices, a face flashed through the corner of your sight.

Your body stood upright and rigid. You wanted to look over, to make sure. But if it was him and you made eye contact, what would happen? You heard a noise but it didn’t register through your increased breathing. Then, it happened again. You blinked at the man selling the flowers.

“Ma’am, are you alright?” You stared for another second and then inhaled every air particle in distance.

“Sorry, yes, I’m fine. Could you, do me a favor?” He looked beyond puzzled but nodded. A face smile slid across your face.

“Could you please look to your right, discreetly, and tell me if you see a man wearing a black baseball cap with a green hoodie? Should have some beard or stubble and might be looking this way?” The man seemed to pick up on the situation and pointed to your left.

“Over that way,” he began louder than before, “is a bookstore. Just two corners down the road. And over that way,” he pointed right, where he was meant to look, “you’ll find a café with the best cold brew in the area. Even some good sandwiches if you’re hungry.” As he spoke the last bit, he crossed his arms and nodded. To anyone else, it appeared he was agreeing with himself.

“Okay,” you took another breath, and felt a chill run through you, “I’ll have to check them out. Do you mind if I call my friend to see which flowers are her favorite? I can’t remember and her birthday is coming up soon. I’d love to get her some.”

“Of course!” He smiled, it was just as fake as yours. You were used to this behavior from other women or femmes but he must have friends or family that have had this stuff happen, you thought. He knew how to handle it all. This was beyond a blessing. You dialed Hotchner's phone and waited. The number rang for a moment, it felt like eternity, and then the answer came.

“Hey, I finished getting my stuff so I ran over to the crepe place to pick up what you wanted. Are you ready to go? I’m about to pull up.”

“Hydrangea, got it. I knew I was close. Do you have a favorite color of them?” He picked up what you were doing immediately.

“I’m pulling up to the corner, you’re near the flower area?”

“Of course it’s the blue ones. I should’ve known.”

“I see you. Get whatever you’re getting and come right over.”

“Yeah, perfect! I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. Bye!” You hung up the phone, it felt like you were vibrating out of your skin. You got the money from your wallet and handed it to the man. As he took it, he silently asked if you were going to be safe. You genuinely smiled ever so lightly and nodded.

“Sure, I’ll take the receipt but I don’t think I’ll be returning them. Thank you so much for your help. Your flowers are beautiful.” You grabbed the flowers and turned as naturally as your body allowed towards the car. As you walked away, you spotted Aaron immediately. With this incident, there was no way you were calling him his last name. He had gotten out of the car and looked to be adjusting something in the backseat. Even still, you knew he was watching you. The flower stand guy began loudly advertising. A warning. Your pace picked up. It was only three more yards to the car. Two more yards.

“Y/n!” The voice came from behind you. It sounded too close. And irritated. You knew that tone. One yard, Aaron had closed the backseat and was opening the passenger for you. You knew that he would help you get inside and protect you from the outside. But that meant he’d be in danger. Reaching him, you saw a flash of black near where his pant leg had ridden up his leg. His gun. Fuck.  
“Hey sweetheart,” he put his arm around your waist and kissed your cheek, then took your bag and flowers, “ready to go?” You nodded as you quickly sat in the seat. As soon as he closed the door, you heard a click. He had locked it from the outside. You kept your eyes on him as he took your stuff to the drivers side backseat. Looking anywhere else was dangerous. He repeated the process of locking the car from the outside and used his key to physically open the driver’s door. He had left it running so as soon as he was in, you two were moving. He reminded you to fasten your seat-belt. Neither of you spoke for a few blocks. When he broke the silence, you jumped.

“Are you okay?” It was such a simple question. And you didn’t know how to answer. Your body was panicking too much, all of your senses were overloaded. You lowered the window. Your eyes closed as you felt the warm rush of summer air hit your face. Focus on anything else.

“Y/n, are you okay?” His voice was still gentle but much more firm. He needed an answer. You collected the small amount of saliva in your mouth and swallowed.

“He was there.”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. But we’ll find out.” You felt empty. All of the joy and peace you’d felt moments ago, ripped away in a flash. You didn’t want to know but you had to ask.

“Is he following us?” From the corner of your eye you saw him check his mirrors.

“No. Doesn’t look like it. Not in the car he’s registered with.” It was hard to keep finding your voice. Your words came out much quieter than you’d wanted and you weren’t sure if he would hear you.

“Thank you.”

His reply came in a nod. You knew he could tell you didn’t want to talk anymore. And you didn’t. But you also wanted to scream. To rant, yell, shout, curse. You wanted all these feelings out but it wasn’t happening right now. Everything was just so, numb. 11:30 in the morning on a Sunday and you were completely numb. Somehow, that only added pain.

The rest of the ride was uneventful, thank god. Instead of taking you back to Penelope’s however, he brought you back to his house. You were grateful. She was probably still asleep, and you didn’t want her to wake up to you bawling your eyes out or freaking out in general.

He led you out of the car, into his home, and then let you put your produce in his fridge. It was a silent process and that both helped and somewhat hurt you. You felt like you could tell him what was going on, but also thought it might be rude. After all, you were Penelope’s friend. And this had been the first time you and Aaron had ever hung out alone, or at all. He had sat you down on the couch while he began to clean up the kitchen. Some dirty dishes were still in the sink, probably from snacks that Jack had eaten before he went away for the weekend. You wondered when he would be coming back home. It would be rude to interrupt their time together. You didn’t notice when Aaron had sat next to you on the couch. One cushion away. He looking at you. You didn’t need to turn to see that, you could feel it. You’d adapted a strong sense of knowing when people were looking at you since your ex.

“You can talk if you want to. But you don’t have to. Not until you’re ready.” There it was again. That soothing and reassuring voice. You felt tears pick at the corners of your eyes.

“I don’t think I’m ready to not break down. But I do want to talk. A lot.” You sniffled and he put a hand on your shoulder.

“That’s okay. It’s okay. I don’t mind.” He reached over to the coffee table and brought a box of tissues closer to you. It made you laugh.

“That box looks like it’s only a quarter full, I’ll probably need more than that.” When you looked over to him, your eyes met and he smiled. You weren’t sure if the look was pity or sympathy. You hoped it wasn’t pity.

“If we run out, I’ve got a few more boxes in the closet.”

“Always prepared, huh Aaron?”

“Always.” He had started rubbing your shoulder a little, trying to coax you into talking and not just joking. You had to get it over with.

“Fine.” You took a breath. And then another.

“I feel…too much?” You weren’t really questioning yourself but you felt like there were too many emotions to say.

“How so?” You bit the inside of your cheek and began to fidget a little.

“Like, like too much. Umm… Kinda freaked out. A ton of freaked out. I wanna know how he found me. Or if it was on purpose. Or an accident. But either way he tried to talk to me. And I definitely do NOT want to talk to him or have him talk to me. Or be near me. At all. And I also feel scared cause if this was intentional, what would he have done if you hadn’t been there? And also quite frankly, I feel pissed off! I’m tired of him and I’m tired of being afraid of him and having to worry about him. And also pissed off cause after all the shit that he did to me, he was no right to keep doing this! I ended it with him, so why can’t he just leave me alone? And I don’t want to say ‘I hope he finds someone else to treat this way’ cause I don’t want anyone to be treated this way. But I also do hope that cause then maybe it’ll mean that he leaves me alone and that would be such a relief. And does that make me a bad person? Cause I feel guilty. And I also feel guilty that I’m making you all go through this stuff. I’m not a case. And I’m still alive and un-kidnapped which is more than I can say for a lot of people.” You took another deep breath. “And now I feel exhausted. And drained because of all that emotion. Sorry.”

He grabbed a tissue and brought it up to your face. You didn’t realize you’d been crying again. You looked down and were thankful you hadn't accidentally dug your nails into your arms.

“I've told you before, you don't need to apologize. Not to me. It’s understandable to feel all of these things. You went through trauma. And you got out of it but it’s still there and the source of it is still present in your life even after you cut ties. If you weren’t freaked out or anxious, that’d be worrying. Things ended between you two but they’re still going on for him which means they’re still going on for you. You have a right to be upset. You didn’t do anything to deserve this.” There was that phrase. Drilled into you in therapy. You didn’t do anything to deserve this. You choked on a sob and buried your head in your hands.

“But what if I did?! What if I’m just a terrible person and a terrible girlfriend? And that’s why he was the way he was to me? What if he was right that everything was my fault?! And is still my fault? I mean if any of you get hurt because of me it would just be—”

“It would be his fault. His choice. And if you’re so worried about being a terrible person, that tells me that you really aren’t. In my line of work, you learn quickly that truly terrible people don’t care at all about being terrible. Nothing you did or didn’t do justifies how he was to you. Or how he continues to be to you.” The way he said it all was so solid, like there was no way he was wrong. He believed that.

“Okay.” He raised an eyebrow.

“Okay?” You nodded.

“Yeah okay.” There wasn’t much more to say on your part. You’d gotten your feelings out in a rush, cried, and also believed him. It was hard not to. He rubbed your shoulder a little more and you felt the full exhaustion about to hit you.

“When is Jack gonna be home?” He looked down at his watch and then back to you. Always with the full eye contact.

“4ish. Unless I get a call saying otherwise.”

“You still have my crepe?” It was meant to lighten the mood but as soon as you said the word your stomach growled loudly. You wanted to slap it.

“Put it in the fridge when we got in, want it heated up?” He stood up to get your breakfast and though you wanted to follow, your legs were still too weak.

“Sure. Did you get one for yourself?”

“No, I was thinking of just taking half of yours.” Your head whipped around the back of the couch to stare daggers at him and he let out a giant laugh. It was different than the sarcastic chuckles you had heard earlier.

"I’m kidding. You don’t seem like the type to share food.”

“Did you get that from profiling me?”

“Didn’t have to,” he said as he came back with plates in hand, “You just seem like the type.” He wasn’t wrong.


	3. A scoop of ice cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penelope has a bad day, which leads to ice cream, which leads to the reader having a VERY bad day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ!!!!  
> Hello gang, I'm very sorry for taking so long with this. I've had some weird health stuff going on again. Also I finished all of CM that was on netflix which led to lack of motivation. I've begun re-watching it from the beginning so I can keep it going for y'all. (Which also means big yikes cause i'll have to see Haley die all over again oof). I hope you enjoy this new chapter and that you continue to comment your thoughts!!!  
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Stalking/panic attack/assault/sensory overload/ gaslighting (please let me know if I've missed anything that you find might trigger you as well as it is extremely important for me to warn readers.) (I personally DID have a minor attack writing it lmao)

It had been nearly two months since the incident at the Farmer’s Market and the team had upped their collective ‘protect and watch over Y/n game’. While it was suffocating at times, you knew that they really could’ve been doing other things in their personal time as well. You tried desperately to not have to (or even want to) do things that would require you going into the public eye. Since you had the same car currently as you did when you had dated ‘he-who-must-not-be-named’ (copyright of a terf), you ended up just putting it into JJ’s garage and having the team each take you to and from work when they went. And that went well for the most part. Until the day it didn’t.

The team had just finished another case and Garcia was grabbing her stuff to leave with you when she stopped. Her whole body went still and you inched closer, afraid you might break her if you touched her.

“P?” No response.

“Penelope?” You tried again and she kinda jolted out of her trance.

“Huh?” She asked offhandedly.

“Rough case?” It was pretty obvious this one had really gotten to her. She tried to give you a smile but it didn’t fully reach any of her. You extended your arms to her and let her put her stuff down again before she came for the hug. The door was still open but you knew nobody would interrupt. You both stood there holding each other for a few minutes as she quietly sobbed. You rubbed her hair a little as she snuffed a few times to get herself fully back to together. She nodded to you, signaling she was better now and you squeezed her shoulder.

“You’re doing great Penelope.” She huffed a little.

“I know. No one is greater than I am.” Her humor was the best sign to let you know she would recover.

“You are correct, you are the Queen of technology and of this castle called the BAU.” She nodded and smirked back.

“I am,” she paused again, “and the Queen has decided she wants ice cream before we get dinner.”

“Oooo! Dessert before dinner? It’s gonna be a good night then. There’s a place near my old work that has ice cream from the local Amish Farms. Superrr fresh and decadent. Tons of flavors.” Her eyes lit up at the idea.

“Then lead the way and let us indulge ourselves in the most scrumptious ice cream!” She wrapped her arm into yours and grabbed her bag. The car ride itself to the shop was a quick one, filled with purposefully bad singing on both your parts. Penelope parallel parked her car (there weren’t any other spots available) as you pointed our where the shop was. You offered to park for her but she replied with a mock offended face.

“So which flavor are you considering? I really like their butter pecan but they have tons of flavors and you can try all of them. They also make amazinggg milkshakes and floats!”

“You’ve got to be kidding me! Y/n, how have I known you for years and not known that you were an old woman?!” You shoved her shoulder playfully.

“I’m just saying. That’s an old person’s flavor and you know it. Everyone knows it. You’re an old lady.”

“Have you even tried it?”

“It doesn’t matter if I have or not. It’s an old person’s flavor.” You squinted at her as you walked into the store and were welcomed by the employee. As soon as the boy behind the counter asked if you two had any flavors you’d want to sample, you immediately nudged Penelope and said, “She’s been DYING to try your butter pecan!” Which of course prompted her to tell the employee that you’ve been wanting to try their mint chip (even though you’ve told her several times that you didn’t see the point in adding chocolate to toothpaste).

She ate the sample she had asked for him to give you, which you were grateful for because you didn’t want it to go to waste. She took a breath and made the most dramatic sigh ever before putting the butter pecan spoon in her mouth. You crossed your arms, waiting for the reaction you knew you’d get. Her facial expressions were so obvious, and she knew it working with profilers, so she tried to turn her back to you to enjoy it.

“Hey hey P! That’s not fair and you know it!! Just tell me how it tastes you coward!!” You exclaimed, pinching her shoulder. As she turned back to you, her face was trying to contain the deliciousness but it made her look like a sniveling puppy. Your eyebrows rose and she stomped her foot.

“IT’S REALLY YUMMY OKAY THERE I SAID IT!!!” You smirked in triumph as you both proceeded to order a scoop on waffle cones, her grumpily enjoying hers as soon as it was handed to her. You moved to get your wallet and she darted out in front of you.

“Hey, you’re the one who had a bad day, genius, I’m paying remember?” You started.

“Nope, you’ve opened my eyes and as much as I regret it, I am grateful. We’re just two old ladies and I’m paying as a thank you for suggesting it.” There was no arguing with her when she was like this so you accepted it. Once you were both finishing up your cones, you saw Megan walking by the window of the ice cream shop outside.

“Oh shit, it’s Megan!”

“Your old coworker?”

“Yeah. Do you mind if we go say hi?”

“Sure, we’ve got time.” Standing up to go out, you heard a familiar jingle and saw Penelope scramble for her phone in the abyss that was her purse.

“It’s Morgan. I’m gonna take this outside and I’ll just wait for you or come get you once we’re done talking. It’s probably about the case.” You nodded to her and left the shop. Barely a foot away you heard her typical flirtation and rolled your eyes.

Your old store was only two down from the ice cream shop which made it a quick walk. You didn’t see her as you entered, but you saw another one of your old friends.

“Megan should be out in a second or two, she spilled paint on her as soon as she walked in.”

“Oh yeah, the renovations in the back are still going on?”

“You knew stuff barely got done around here before you joined. Megan’s doing great but the boss is a little unbearable at times without you being the in-between. It’s just the painting aspect that’s left for the renovations. Then the back will be open again for business. You should come by when it’s finished!”

“I’d love to! I miss working here. And with all of you. The new job is pretty nice though and it’s got good benefits so I shouldn’t complain.”

“Yeah but you left cause of your creepy ex, right? Megan was telling me about him.”

“Ugh, yeah. I don’t want to think too much about it. It’ll just make me anxious.” You both chuckled a little when her face froze.

“If thinking about your ‘creepy ex’ makes you anxious, how you do feel now?” You felt your stomach drop. You didn’t want to turn around. This couldn’t be happening. You knew it was his voice and you knew she had been told to look out for him coming back to the shop since the incident of him showing up. Which definitely explained the terrified look on her face staring at him. You breathing caught in your throat as you slowly moved to look at the figure behind you. He was tall enough that turning around had you looking mostly at his shoulders and chin but you knew it was undeniably him. He hadn’t even changed his cologne. Bile was rising in your throat but you kept it down before you dared to look at his face and into his eyes. He began to cross his arms and tilt his head. You could feel his annoyance coming out of him like a gas leak.

“Can’t even look me in the eyes? That’s pretty rude of you, considering you’ve already been ignoring me for too long. I’m your damn fiancée after all. Where are your manners, Y/n?”

You felt your body constricting in on itself. His words melted into you, quickly poisoning your self-worth in an instant.

“I…I’m sorry.” You said it so meekly, every ounce of strength you’d gained away from him had dissolved.

“What was that?” He leaned down to your eye level, “I didn’t hear you.” You knew he could see your shoulders trembling. You knew it was something he reveled in. That absolute power over you. His hand moved again to touch your face and you flinched hard, shutting your eyes.

“Y/N!!” you barely registered Megan’s voice from farther behind you. “Get away from her you piece of shit!” You felt his fingers grab and grip your arm tightly in response, already beginning to tug you away, to where you had no idea. There was no fight in you. No fly. Just surrender to whatever your fate would be. The shop door’s bell rang out and you saw Penelope’s bright yellow heels on the ground. You glanced up and saw the horror on her face. You knew she was panicking, but at least she had some fight in her. You wished you did but you were already exhausted. She reached behind her and locked the door. It would be harder now for him to get you out of the store.

“Get out of my way, bitch.” His voice steeled into your bones. The annoyance he held moments ago had snapped to fury. His fingernails were digging into your arm. There would probably be blood soon if he kept that up. The bruise would definitely be ugly.

“No way. You’re not leaving with her.” Her voice was firm, but you heard the fear in it. If it came down to a physical fight, he’d win. Against anyone in the shop right now, even if all four of you teamed up, there was a tiny chance of winning. You didn’t want it to come to that. You didn’t want Penelope or Megan or anyone else to get hurt because of you. You wouldn’t let that happen.

“If you don’t get out of my way, I’ll move you myself. And I’m sure you don’t want that.” Penelope glanced behind you for a fraction of a second, you barely caught it. Your right hand shifted just enough to the keys dangling on your belt loop. You had no idea what she and the others would do but there was no fucking way you were gonna let them fight him. Your ex started the slow menacing walk to Penelope, tugging you along. You felt the cap under your finger and flicked it to active.

“Chris.” You spoke his name with no hesitation and looked directly up at him, meeting his gaze.

“Go to hell.” His face contorted again, but you gave him no time to react. You hand flew up to his face and your finger pressed down on your pepper spray, shooting it dead aim into his eyes. He released your arm as he clawed at his face, accidentally shoving you slightly away. You reached over to Penelope, grabbing her hand with your free one and kicked him in the shoulder as he knelt over the floor, cursing at you and everything in the world.

“Back exit GO!!” you screamed to your old coworkers as you rushed with Penelope through the employee only section, thankful as all hell that there hadn’t been any customers in the store during all this. The four of you ran out and Megan shoved some wood planks in front of the door. You could hear sirens getting closer, but you knew nothing much would be done. He was a damn cop after all and they take care of their own. You all made your way around the far back of the building to where you could cut across the alleys. It had been maybe 10 minutes of running when you came to a stop. Gasping for air, Megan turned to you and managed to get out, “I can see why you dumped his ass. He has no fashion sense.” You paused and then began to laugh so hard your stomach ached.

“I needed that,” you said, wiping a tear from your eye, “thanks.” She nodded back.

“Hey, Y/n?” You redirected your focus to Penelope. “I’m gonna go ahead and give the team a call. Whoever is closest can pick us up, your friends included. I’ll get my car later.” You said okay and she began her cell phone magnificence.

“I’m sorry you both had to be dragged into this.”

“Dude. He’s the one who went psycho. I hope he chokes.” Megan snorted and your other friend agreed.

“Y/n?” You felt her hand on your shoulder.

“Who’s collecting us?” She gave you a odd smile that you couldn’t quote place.

“Hotch. And Derek. But Derek is picking me and your friends up and Hotch is going to take you to his place for the time being. Since jerk wad over there saw me, he thought it would be safer for you.”

“Is that okay? I already hate intruding at your place as it is.” She waved you off.

“Jack found out his aunt had an extra ticket to a game she was going to and insisted he go. So Hotch was already coming back from dropping him off. Besides, you’re great company and Hotch likes you.” That phrase sparked an interest in you.

“He likes me?” You wanted to fiddle with something, but you weren’t wearing any jewelry.

“Of course he does,” she paused, a glint in her eye, “but who doesn’t?” You rolled your eyes and caught Megan’s brow raised. You shook your head at her, this was not the time nor place. But you knew she’d text you later.

Hotch showed up first, he had pulled around the front and gotten out on foot to get you, even bringing a shirt and hat of yours he’d grabbed from Penelope’s so you wouldn’t look exactly the same on your way out. You wanted to wait for Derek to show up to get Penelope and your friends but Hotch told you that since you were the target, you needed to be out of the area first. The ride back to his place was silent, save for the light jazz that was playing on the radio.

When you got inside his house, all you wanted to do was to pass out for hours on the couch. But as soon as you sat down, you felt off. Hotch asked if you wanted any tea or food and you told him you’d never say no to good tea. As soon as he was out of your sight, the absolute quiet of the house began sinking in. Adding to the silence was the minute noises of ceramic and spoons clinking in the kitchen, only two yards away. Each clink resounded hard in your eardrums, like someone banging a drum directly next to you. You tried hard not to flinch. You were so focused on them, you didn’t notice your body begin to tremble again. You felt the chill run up your spine and you knew you might start scratching soon. You turned your head to see the back of Hotch in the kitchen. The pot was only starting to boil, so you knew you’d have a little bit of time.

“Hey, do you actually mind if I borrow your shower? I feel kinda gross.” He glanced over at you.

“Sure, I can throw your cloths in the wash in the meantime? Let you borrow some of my clothes after?” He paused. “If you’d be comfortable with that.”

You nodded quickly. Getting off the couch and trying to concentrate on not scratching, you followed Hotch through a hallway and into his bedroom. Any other time and you might be excited about it. It might usually smell very nice, but right now the scents around you were overpowering your nose. Everything seemed amped up. _Ah shit_ , you thought, _sensory overload_. It had been a while since you had this happen. Even your past big panic attack at the farmers market hadn’t included this as much. But you were hydrated at least then.

He handed you a towel and showed you how to turn on the shower. He left again to grab you some cloths, a big grey shirt (probably his nightshirt) and some sweatpants. Once you got over your heightened senses, you were going to be extremely comfy and cozy. You gave him a small smile, thanked him, and said you’d be out soon. You could tell he knew something was up, but you really appreciated his not asking you. As much as you were grateful for his help during your other two episodes, you didn’t want it to be a habit that you were always like this when you were around him. Then again, the circumstances didn’t make it surprising. Still. Not your idea of a fun or romantic time. You deeply sighed and lightly dropped your head against the door to the shower. Romantic? Who are you kidding? This man had a cute kid and a way serious not to mention mentally hard career. Why would he even consider romance with you? You scrunched your face in the mirror. And you had way more important things to worry about than a possible fling. Your ex had shown up at your old workplace, somehow at the same time you were there, even though you’d been in your own sort of witness protection for months. How in the hell did he find you at that time and place? No way this was a coincidence.

You took a few more breaths, turned the shower on, stripped down, and got in. The water was warm, but not hot enough. The urge to increase the heat was too hard to resist in your current state. As you changed it, you began the usual shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. Doing your hair wasn’t an issue but once you got to washing your body you felt the itching get worse. You turned the knob again and slowly sat on the floor, letting the water cover you. You let your mind go as you sat there. Every few moments, you’d tilt your head up and let some of the water into your mouth. Hydration. Breathing. Warm. Your arms held onto your torso tighter. Constriction. Another deep breath. Your head was clearing. Another breath. You stretched your limbs out a little. Another breath. You ran your hands over your head, moving the water and stray strands out of the way. Final breath. You stood up, turned the water off and let yourself drip a bit before reaching for the towel. It was slow moving, but you managed to dry yourself off enough and get dressed. Having no hairbrush kinda sucked a bit but you knew it wasn’t too big of a deal. You tried to dry your hair as much as possible and then threw it into a messy bun. At least you always had your handy dandy hair tie. And you were absolutely right, Hotch’s clothes were very comfy cozy.

“Tea is ready, and I ordered some Indian food for us. Penelope told me which dish you normally get. Do you want to watch a movie or something?” You heard him from outside the door. He must’ve been waiting around to make sure you were safe. Indian sounded amazing. You opened the door to see him sitting on the edge of his bed. He looked up to you and gave you a warm smile.

“That’d be nice.”


	4. JJ and tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is beginning to spend time with each of the team, one on one. Her first stop is with JJ.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, it has been quite a minute but I want to sincerely thank you all for commenting. It really lets me know people are invested and like the storyline. I've been beyond down and have had a bit of this already written in smaller bits, so I decided to post the smaller bits that way you all are still getting content. I hope you all like the way the story is being written a bit differently for the moment and I'm going to try to post more sooner than later. I don't think there's trigger warnings for this chapter but if anything does trigger you, let me know and I'll add it!

You’d imaged at the start that you would only need to stay with Penelope for a short period. After the first month (and the incident), that hope went straight down the gutter. And because evil never seemed to sleep, that meant cases were continuing. To handle both the cases and your protection, the team collectively decided they would rotate going on cases and having you stay with them (after Penelope had hinted it might be a good idea as you were definitely showing signs of cabin fever).

JJ was your first visit while the team headed over the Atlanta, Georgia. She was still working them via phone, but you could tell she was benefiting from this affair since it meant she got to be around Henry a little more than usual.

“You know,” you said one evening over tea, “I can’t get over the accent. It was the accent that did it, right?” JJ laughed.

“I’m not saying it wasn’t the accent but I will say he’s a lot more than JUST the accent.”

“I can tell, Will is a really great dad. And a good husband. I can see why you two fell in love.” She scoffed a little bit, making you arch a brow.

“It was not been a walk in the park though. We’ve been through way more than most couples. But we keep making it work.”

You paused to consider their jobs and lives as individuals as well as a couple.

“You think I’ll be able to have that someday? A long and actually healthy relationship?” She placed her mug down and put her hand on yours.

“I know you will. Finding this isn’t easy. And neither is keeping it. But from everything Garcia has told me and everything I’ve seen from you in person, I know you’ll find it. Anyone would be insanely lucky to have you. You deserve it.” The look in her eyes were so sincere. It made you tear up a little bit. You knew it was in her training with the words ‘you deserve’ etc but you could tell she meant it wholeheartedly. You thanked her before glancing back to your mug and taking a sip. Her gaze was still on you.

“JJ, I have a stalker ex, I know when I’m being stared at.” You meant for it to be a light joke but as soon as the words left your mouth you felt a spark of nervousness. Thankfully, she chuckled along.

“I don’t really know if it’s my business, but do you mind if I ask a personal question?”

“Go ahead.”

“Do you want kids?”

That certainly wasn’t anything you had expected her to ask and your brain glitched for a moment to process.

“Oh, uhhh…” You hesitation made her backtrack instantaneously.

“I’m sorry,” she put her hand over her face, “I know it’s prying and—”

“No, no it’s fine really,” you assured her, “I just didn’t expect that so it caught me off guard. I’m not entirely sure I’d want kids? I mean like, I’m not sure I could physically do it. Pregnancy. But I do like kids and I’d love to be a parent someday. I’d probably adopt if anything.”

She nodded as a reply but you got the feeling there was more she wanted to say.

“Mind if I ask, how come?”

“You’re really good with Henry. And Hotch said when you met Jack, you two hit it off well quickly also. So I can see you as a great parent, but I wasn’t sure how you felt about the idea cause I don’t know very much of what you and your ex had talked about.” 

“Ah, I got you.” You shuffled off the seat to prepare a second cup of tea for yourself. You gestured as you grabbed the tea bag if she wanted another also and she slid her mug over the counter to you. 

“We had talked about it pretty early on in the relationship. He wanted kids and his parents wanted grandkids so I was all for the idea,” you poured the water over the bags and moved to get the honey ready, “but I noticed pretty fast how his parents treated him and their pets and it made me think about how he’d be with his own kids. So I didn’t want to do that with him anymore. I didn’t actually tell him that of course,” and into the mug goes the honey, stirring slowly, “but I kept up with the façade to keep him as happy as he possible could be. Calm is probably a better word.” You slid her mug back to her over the counter and sat back down, blowing on the tea. She reached for your hand and you let her hold it for a moment.

“You survived him. You did that all on your own the first time, and now you’ve got us. You’ll survive him again and you’ll get to really live soon. I promise you. We won’t let anything happen to you.” She was so sure. So convinced. She was going to keep her word. You knew it.


	5. Rossi's Palace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader stays at Rossi's and learns a few things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter, a special friend taught me how to make this recently and I thought it fit well with Rossi's personality.

“Alright so what can you make?”

Your face scrunched a bit. “I can make plenty.”

“Like what, exactly?” You averted your gaze and huffed a little.

“Stuff.”

Rossi’s laugh filled the kitchen, and he clapped your back lightly.

“’Stuff,’ she says.”

Alright well what can you make, Rossi? Are you some chef extraordinaire?” He raised his eyebrows and waltzed over to the cabinets.

“Extraordinaire? I like that.” He began pulling out a pan and ingredients. It caught you off guard a bit how little he was actually going to use.

“All you’ve got is some butter, peppercorn, and pasta.” He waved his hand and then grabbed a chunk of cheese from the counter.

“And parmesan. Can’t forget the parmesan.”

“And you’re telling me you’re going to make some wonderful dish with just that stuff?”

“No,” he set the pan on the stove, “you’re going to make a wonderful dish with this stuff.”

You gaped at him.

“I’m being stalked by my shitty ex and you’re going to make me learn how to cook,” you gestured around to the room, “while I’m staying in your luxurious palace.” He poured himself a glass of wine and raised towards you.

“Exactly. So, come over here and let me teach you how to make this. It’ll be great in case you don’t go grocery shopping and need to make a meal. It’s also simple and delicious. Plus, if you decide to date again, you could make it for whoever you date.” He smirked at you a big as he began instructing you.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ABLE to date again. The only way I can is if douche gets arrested. And for that, he’d have to do a lot since his precinct would probably protect him a ton. And I don’t really want to be on the receiving end of ‘a lot.”

“Sure, but I think you’d do great in a healthy relationship. With the right person of course.” Something about the smirk made you wanna smack it off of him.

“Oh, are you putting yourself on the list of people I should date?” He nearly choked on his wine.

“I have enough ex-wives, thank you very much.”

“Yeah you’re more like a dad figure to me anyway. So who were you referring to?”

“And now, we drain the pasta but use some one it for the cream.”

“Rossi. Don’t avoid my question with an instruction.”

“Well you seem to like Hotch well enough.” You felt your face heat up.

“I like everyone on the team. You’re all great in your own ways.”

“I know but I mean, you two seem to get along in a ‘maybe more than just like’ sort of way.”

“So, you’re profiling me?”

“I’m simply, noticing.” You poured yourself a second glass of wine, set it on the table and began serving the food onto bowls.

“Aaron is a great guy, and a great dad. He’s just nice to me is all, and it’s nice to have a handsome nice guy being nice to me when I’m constantly on edge.” Rossi began to pour the extra parmesan on your bowl.

“Aaron, huh?”

You drank some wine and made another face at him. The rest of your time with Rossi was the same. Him teaching you more recipes, and you both going back and forth with jabs. The case they were working went by quickly, thank god. They barely needed Rossi at all during it so he had a nice mini vacation. And it was sort of one for you too.


	6. Reid's Clutter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid is next on the list of home's Reader visits, and decides to step into Mom Mode

Reid was undoubtedly the most interesting of the group. Quirky might be the better term to use. His apartment was filled to the brim with books, you were sure his kitchen was hardly used because his freezer was full of microwave meals.

“What’s your favorite meal?” You asked on the fourth evening. His head popped up from behind the book he was devouring.

“I’m not really sure. Uhh, I like a lot of stuff. But you don’t have to cook for me! We can just order something.”

“We’ve ordered out for like, every meal since I came here. I don’t know how you do it. Besides, I’m staying in your home, with you here because you can’t leave me alone to go work with the team like you normally would be doing. It’s the bare minimum I can do. And you are in desperate need for a freshly cooked meal.”

He began to object again, and you silenced him with the raise of your eyebrow and hands settling on your hips.

“Allergies. Now.” He shifted uncomfortably for a second and then got up to shuffle around. You wondered what he was doing, until he found the paper and pen he had been searching for. A list. After he handed it to you, you scanned it over and began to rummage through the kitchen to see what could be used. You stuck your head out and smirked.

“You are beyond lucky that I stayed with Rossi right before you.” His eyebrows scrunched up.

“Italian?”

“No complaining, it’s a great and simple dish.” As you began your tasks, you heard his phone go off. He answered and then called out to you from his living room.

“It’s the team.”

“I’ll grab my headphones then.” As you went to select your playlist of choice, you saw him grab his laptop to video them.

“Tap me if you need me.” You reminded him. He smiled lightly in response and you both set about your work. Since their meeting was just a few questions for Reid about the area and tourist sports, you flagged him to ask if you could come over. The first time they had video’d with JJ, you hadn’t had a signal and saw a gruesome scene which resulted in you dropping and breaking a bowl you’d been holding at the time. Lesson learned. He nodded that it was all clear and you sat down next o him. Within another second, he tapped your shoulder to signal you could remove your headphone.

“Reid said you made him Italian.” You heard Rossi’s voice and smiled, turning to the camera.

“I made him Cacio e pepe. Not much to make, or work with.” You teased. Reid scoffed and shoved into you’re a little as he started into the food. You heard the group chuckle in the background.

“We’ll have to have another cooking night once this case is finished. All of us. Any dishes you’re interested in?”

“Penne vodka.” You said it with no hesitation and Rossi fake jumped a little.

“Penne vodka is a wonderful choice! You’ve got good taste in food.”

“If only I had better taste in men.” You joked.

“Your taste is getting better.” Your jaw dropped and you flicked him the bird, happy Aaron wasn’t able to see your face on the screen. He always sat across Rossi. He laughed again and quickly turned the screen around to face Hotch. You plastered on a smile reflexively and he gave a light chuckle in return.

“We’ve got to get back to work but we’ll check in later, alright Reid?”

“Mmm-hmm.” Was all he could manage as his mouth was stuffed, attention now only on the food.

“Stay safe, Y/n.”

“Bye Aaron.” You shut the computer and grabbed the tv remote.

“Up for some Doctor Who reruns?” Reid nodded as he stood up to get a second helping. As you began eating your own serving, Reid piped up from the kitchen.

“Since when do you call Hotch, Aaron?” If he had been in the room, he would’ve seen you choke for a moment.

“You okay?” He asked sitting back down next to you, only catching you coughing.

“Yeah,” you successfully got out, “just went down the wrong pipe. But I dunno. Since the farmers market?”

“Huh. Okay.” After that, you spent the rest of the week cooking and cleaning while Reid worked. It was a pleasantly uneventful time for you.


	7. Emily's Tub of Wonders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader gets to see what others on the team haven't, Emily Prentiss' home.

Emily Prentiss was not like you had really anticipated. It’s not as if you had thought she’d be mean or anything. But she had a veryyy convincing resting bitch face. Which might help a lot on the job. She was someone you hadn’t interacted with as much as the others, so you felt a tinge of anxiety about whether or not you’d get along. As if THAT was the biggest concern in your life at the moment. Her home, a sturdy and kind of luxurious condo in the city, was stunning to say the least. She kept it as clean as Rossi’s, only she was more of a minimalist with her furniture and personal items. She surprised you the second day of your stay by showing you a secret shelf in her kitchen, which housed an array of sweets from several countries she’d been to over the years. You realized at exactly that moment that there was no need to worry about not getting alone.

“I know you’ve been using the guest shower, but it seems like the team is going to need me on a call that might last a little while,” she said on the fourth day, “do you want to use the tub in my bathroom to soak? I’ve got some Epsom salts and candles too.” You slyly smiled at her.

“Ms. Prentiss, are you trying to be romance me?” She threw her head back and laughed.

“You wish! I happen to do much more when I’m ‘romancing’ someone I like.”

“Oh yeah? What could be more romantically enticing than a salt bath with candles?”

“Joining you for it of course.” She winked and you had to hide a blush. This woman knew how to flirt hard.

“I won’t lose this romance game. But I will take the offer for the bath. As long as I can bring in some of those lovely macaroons you ordered from the shop down the street?” You did your best puppy dog eyes and it seemed to work.

“You can take a few, but NOT the mints, those are my favorite.” You turned your body towards the kitchen, nearly skipping on the way. You knew that once you left her home, you’d be thinking about those macaroons for ages. You grabbed a plate and took out the box but before you began plating them you decided to start the bath so they wouldn’t air out too long. You knew where her room was in the condo but hadn’t actually been inside of it. You expected it to be just as wonderful as the rest of her home but weren’t prepared at all. You opened the door and nearly dropped your jaw. The bed being huge was an understatement and you were itching to feel the comforter. It seemed so smooth, there was no way she made her bed so perfectly every morning. Everything else was exactly in its chosen place. The lamps, the folded clothes on the chair in the corner, every picture frame. You looked for another moment and then headed towards what you assumed was the bathroom door. Wrong. Her walk-in closet was at least a yard and a half long, and again, everything was in it’s place. You wondered if you could ever live as neatly as her, then shook your head at the idea. You barely kept yourself tidy somedays. Moving to the other door in her bedroom, you opened it and wanted to walk back out and strangle Emily. The tiles were glistening and you doubted you’d fine even a stray hair on the counter or floor. Before you could stop yourself, you gestured around yourself, looked in the mirror and gaped.

“Are you kidding me?!” You put your hands on your waist and began shaking your head. Not a moment later, Emily quickly came in and put her hand on your shoulder, looking around the room for what you realized was a possibly intruder.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” You cracked a smile at her to show nothing was actually wrong and showcased yourself around the room.

“Girl, how are you this perfect? How is this bathroom so damn clean? Do you even use it?” Her posture eased immediately, and she shrugged.

“I like my things tidy. Besides, I sleep at the bureau so often, it is pretty rare that I get to use the tub.” You glared at her lightly and mimicked her tone.

“It is pretty _rare_ that I get to use the tub.” She jabbed at your arm.

“Shut up. Our meeting is about to start. I’ll be in the office if you need me, just send a text. And try not to be so overwhelmed by it all that you fall asleep in amazement.” Though she turned her back to leave the room, you scrunched your nose a bit at her. It was ridiculous. So of course, you had to send a video to Penelope. You doubted anyone on the team had seen the tub, let alone been inside Emily’s house. You took the video and turned on the water. Seeing the tub up close of course, you realized there was a jacuzzi bubble option. Ridiculous. You searched the cabinets for the salts, threw some into the water and made your way back to the kitchen. As you were plating your lovely sweets, you felt the vibration from your phone and saw Penelope had replied to your video. It was essentially just a keyboard smash and then some fun gifs of people screaming. You were about to turn back to your task when you saw another text, this one from Emily.

‘You just HAD to show Garcia, didn’t you?’

You smirked in triumph. There was no way that there wasn’t going to be a girls night after this case was over. You set the phone into your pocket, grabbed your plate, and headed to the bath to see it was already nearly full. You didn’t really feel like using the candles this time, the scents would mix with the salts and the macaroons too much. You made sure to have a towel ready on the counter before you stripped down and got comfortable in the tub. Grabbing your phone and the macaroons, you found a playlist perfect for the mood and began to munch on your treats. It didn’t feel like much time had passed at all before you heard a knock on the door.

“Hey Y/n, you alive in there?” You held back a yawn before replying.

“Yeah, what’s up? Finished with the meeting?” Emily cracked the door open, letting some of the steam escape.

“We finished about 20 minutes ago. Did you fall asleep?” Your eyebrows scrunched up and you checked the time on your phone. Shit. Aside from the clock, you saw there was a text notification from Aaron. He was so sweet.

“No, I told you I wasn’t going to.” You lied.

“Sure, I don’t feel like cooking much since it’s getting late. Pizza?” You had only just woken up but felt like drooling.

“You’re a woman after my heart Emily!” You shifted in the water, trying to get a grip on the sides.

“And you’re a prune! Hotch told me what store you like for pizza, so I’ll order some for us.” Your ears twitched.

“Aaron did?”

“He said they were all getting pizza tonight since they’re staying late at the station. So, I thought we’d join them, and he mentioned Tony’s for you.”

“Sounds perfect, thanks!” She closed the door and you felt yourself sinking back into the water. He really did remember the small things. You took a breath and splashed some water onto your face. It’s not a big deal. It’s just pizza. Anyone can remember that. Plus, Tony’s is well known.

“Extra sauce, deep dish with peppers, right?” Called Emily from the other room. You mumbled a ‘mm-hmm’ and had to splash your face again before getting out. Maybe it is sort of a big deal? You opened the message from Aaron. He was letting you know they were close to finishing the case and that Jack had said he wanted to play video games with you soon. You sent back, “of course, I can’t wait to get beat again. See you soon, have a safe flight!” You were definitely crushing on him. You didn’t think the word crushing was accurate, but it was close. And maybe, he was feeling something for you too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm somehow on a roll with this. Not sure why the others have been more conversation focused and Emily's was so descriptive but oh well haha Let me know if there are any spelling errors or anything! Hope you're all enjoying the BAU team.


	8. Derek's Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader gets to spend time with Derek at one of his houses! But really, how long can this game of hot potato go on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: stalking, panic attack (kind of)

Staying with Morgan was nice. You learned a lot about him and really began to understand why he and Penelope had the relationship they did. The two of you stayed in one of the houses he was fixing up. It was great because he let you help out with the painting and some of the woodwork. When he mentioned he wanted to take down the wall between the kitchen and the living room, you were thrilled.

“Just let it all out.” He told you while handing you a big hammer.

“Let what out?” He rolled his eyes.

“Girl, you’ve been tense since we met. Your ex is stalking you and he tried to kidnap you in broad daylight. Even with us, you’re still on edge.” You had been trying to hide it but you should’ve known someone would call you out. Particularly Morgan.

“I’m just so—” But he held up his hand to stop you.

“Use the wall. Trust me, it helps.” You took a breath and steadied yourself. Gripping the hammer with both hands, you swung hard, making contact with the wall. The sound itself jolted you more than the feeling. You hadn’t even realized you’d closed your eyes to hit it but looking at the hole in the wall was refreshing.

“Keep going.” Morgan encouraged you. You glanced at him, and back to the wall. And then you kept going. You were so angry and scared and frustrated and anxious. You didn’t even notice Morgan had stepped into another room to take a call because of how hard you were focusing on the destruction of the wall.

“Morgan,” he started into the cell, pressing speaker. “Hey Hotch.”

“What’s going on, is everything alright?” Morgan laughed.

“I guess you can hear her. Yeah, we’re all good. Y/n’s helping me take down a wall. Though, she’s mostly doing it herself right now.” He heard Hotch give a relieved sigh.

“What’s up?” Morgan asked.

“The unsub is speeding up. I need you on a conference.” Morgan looked back over to you, then checked that all the doors were still locked.

“Of course. I’ll be right on.” He hung up and leaned on the wall furthest from you.

“Damn Y/n, I was gone for like two minutes and you’ve nearly taken it all down.” You swung the hammer into the wall and turned to him, wiping some sweat off your brow.

“Sorry?” He shook his head and laughed at you.

“Just don’t overdo it. You’re gonna be sore enough as is tomorrow. I’ve got to work; I’ll be upstairs if you need me.”

“Tell everyone I said hi,” you paused, “I mean, after you catch the unsub.”

“Picking up the lingo, huh?” He waved as he headed upstairs. You smirked and turned your attention back to the task at hand. By the time Morgan was done, the only parts of the wall left were the top sections you couldn’t reach. He found you sitting against the opposite wall catching your breath.

“Nice work, how’re you feeling?” You glanced up at him and huffed.

“Physically and mentally drained. It definitely helped though. But I’m kind of shaking.” He knelt down beside you and grabbed your hand lightly.

“You haven’t eaten since lunch. And I doubt you were taking water breaks.” You ducked your head under his gaze and shrugged. He rolled his eyes.

“Go up and shower. Take a glass of water with you. I’ll start dinner.” You nodded, extending your hand to him. He pushed himself up and pulled you up with him.

“What’s for dinner?”

“It’s my cheat day so I was thinking breakfast. Pancakes, eggs, hash browns, the works.” Your stomach growled loudly at the thought.

“I will be right back down.” You rushed over to the cabinet to grab a glass and pour yourself some ice water. Even in your tired state, the excitement for breakfast/dinner was high. Before you even got into the shower, you could smell all of the food. Morgan really knew how to cook fast. It spurred you on to finish faster. The shower itself was probably less than two minutes. A new record. Once you were dry and had your pjs on, you decided to check your phone. It was a new one the team had provided you with. You still had your other one, but this one only had the team as contacts. You knew they liked to check in on you, even if one of them was always around. You really were already a part of their family. You assumed at the start that Penelope would be checking in on you the most, but it ended up being Aaron. You tried not to think too hard about that fact. It was his job after all. Mostly.

The first message was in fact, from Penelope. It was her remind you to not ‘steal her man’ even though you were ‘sure to be tempted as many before you.’ It made you snort and shoot back a vague ‘maybe I will and maybe I won’t ;) ’

The second message was from Aaron, asking how the wall demolition went and if you were doing okay. Apparently, Morgan had sent him a picture of the wall before and after you went to town on it. Looking at it in picture form (Aaron had sent you what Morgan sent him), you really felt like you kicked that defenseless wall’s flat ass. You replied, ‘I’m good, tired but good. Gonna be sore as hell tomorrow. About to eat breakfast. Stay safe!’ You looked at the message for a moment and added a smile emoji. Sent.

You put your phone down and got dressed, your stomach was being way too loud to ignore any longer. Halfway down the stairs, your phone pinged. You smiled as you brought it out, wondering if Aaron would use an emoji back. He always tried to reply quickly. Instead of his name, you unlocked the phone to see an unknown number. You felt your mouth go dry and the hunger you felt was immediately put on the back burner. Part of you was tempted to open it, even though you knew better, and still you gave in to the temptation. Your breath skipped at screen. It was a picture of you, from behind, smashing the wall earlier. You glanced at the door and windows ahead of you and froze the expression on your face. No reaction. Don’t give him a reaction. You brushed your hair behind your ear and began walking again, heading straight for the kitchen where Morgan was.

“Perfect timing, everything’s finished and ready to devour.” His smile was dazzling as always. You had learned very fast how kind he was. That same smile helped you keep your act up.

“Great,” you said, setting your phone on the counter in his direct line of vision, “I know it’s probably a long shot but could we take it to the pond nearby? I’d love some fresh air after breaking all the wall dust.” He looked at your phone so quickly, you barely saw it yourself.

“You know it’s a bad idea.” He played along like a pro.

“I know but I’ve just been feeling so suffocated and stuck. Cabin fever, ya know? Just half an hour is all I’m asking.” He sighed and seemed to mull it over.

“Fine. But only half an hour.” He gave a small chuckle and pointed to our outfit. “But I’m not taking you in public wearing your pajamas. Go change, I’ll put this stuff away and then we can go.”

“Thanks, Derek.” You turned, leaving your phone on the counter and jogged up the stairs. Not two minutes had gone by and you were jumping into his front seat. He had already put the food in the back.

“If the food gets soggy though, that’s on you girl.” He teased as he shut the door behind you.

“Yeah yeah, I know.” He jumped in on his side and locked the doors. It hadn’t been ten minutes since you showed him the picture that you were driving away. Not even fully out of the driveway, was he dialing on his phone. It rang once before it was picked up.

“Hotchner.” Hearing his voice helped you greatly, you were trying to rein in everything and still act fine until you arrived at your destination. It wasn’t like you needed to, Morgan wouldn’t mind. But you felt like he needed to concentrate on driving, talking, and making sure there wasn’t anyone tailing you. Better to wait. Let it all bubble inside for a short time and then when in a safe space, let the dam burst like the wall you destroyed earlier.

“Hotch, we’ve got a big problem.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this one seemed a little short! Hope you're all excited! Things are definitely about to pick up (in the angsty way)


	9. Girls Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader spends some time with the girls of the BAU, and a hint of Hotch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! A lot has happened since the last chapter was put out but I'm still kicking! Hope you all enjoy this chapter!  
> TW: alcohol use (that's the only one I can really see personally but if you see others, please let me know and I'll add them.)

It wasn’t like you needed to ask where Derek was taking you. The team wasn’t finished their case so the only other safe space would be either the BAU itself or a legitimate safe house and you had to have specific permission to use those. You let yourself zone out in the car while Derek spoke with Aaron. You knew it might be good to listen to what they were saying, since it involved you, but you felt so little. The numbness was creeping on you too fast. Stalking gone so far as to find a Special Agent from the FBI’s house, and not even the one he lived in. You were so tired. It was only for the briefest of moments, but you let the thought cross your mind. _What if I just let him take me?_ The car went over a pothole big enough to shake it, and that jolted you like electricity. No way. No way in hell would you let him win. He wasn’t taking you. He would never have you. You’d rather die. You focused back in on Aaron and Derek’s conversation. Their plan was for Derek to stay with you at the office until the case was finished. Another agent had already been sent by Penelope to go grab your things from the house. You hoped they’d be okay if they were being sent alone. After the case, the plan was to get you into a safe house. But you were unsure of that. Even Derek voiced his opinion that any safe house might not be so safe. You closed your eyes and sighed, letting the window crack open to give yourself some air. The glass was cold against your cheek. It was mid-January after all. As you opened your eyes again, you saw the lights run across your vision. If only you could run that fast.

“Y/n?”

“That’s me.” You said in the most nonchalant tone possible.

“I just got a text from Hancock.” You turned to him.

“Hancock?”

“The agent we sent over to get your things.” Your posture went rigid again, worried Derek was about to tell you something awful.

“He’s fine,” he assured you, “he let me know things went smoothly. No issues. No other cars near my house either.” Your posture sank back into the seat.

“Garcia is searching out how he could’ve found my house. She’s also running a trace on the number from your phone. Chances are, that will be a dead lead.” Your brow arched, asking a silent question. He understood it, as always.

“He’s smart enough to know not to use a phone that can be easily traced. It’s probably a burner.” You nodded back, the numbness was still there but having him explain things helped. Gave you something to concentrate on.

“The team is trying to find all the leads they can on the case. We’ll discuss in more detail what we should do when they’re back. For now, it’ll just be me and you.”

“And Penelope, and whoever is in the office, and whoever needs your help in the office.” He chuckled lightly.

“And them.”

The ride was coming to an end, the car was about to go through the security gate when another thought struck you. A much better thought.

“Hey Derek?” You asked as he rolled up the window and put away his ID.

“Yeah?”

“Could you teach me some self-defense? And maybe a small bit of gun training?” He looked at you after he put the car in park with a very serious grin on his face.

“I’d be delighted to.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the week and a half that it took the team to find the unsub, Derek had managed to teach you a lot. Basic gun knowledge and safety, basic self-defense including how to fight someone who could physically overpower you, and even some of the profiling techniques. It wasn’t exactly easy but you felt like you were learning so much and it gave you a lot of physically demanding things to do. You wondered, not for the first time, if Derek should’ve been a personal trainer or a bodyguard. Or maybe just a coach?

“That was insane!! I need a shower or else I might die.” You exclaimed as you and Derek left the training grounds.

“If it makes you feel any better, you’re learning quickly. Even with the guns, you’re a fast learner.” You tapped his shoulder lightly.

“That’s because you’re such a great teacher.” He crossed his arms over his chest and nodded in agreement. It was only a small trip to make between the training grounds and the locker room, but you both got stopped on the way.

“Excuse me, my two favorite human beings!” You both laughed as you saw Penelope clacking towards you. You could tell she had news, and knew it wasn’t the bad kind since her face wasn’t scrunched up. As soon as she was ten feet away, she stopped abruptly and stepped back.

“P, what the hell?” You made to move towards her, but she held up her arm.

“Nu-uh, I can smell you both from here thank you very much. And I know you’re not going anywhere but the showers since you stink!” You scoffed and Derek’s eyes narrowed before he lunged at her, trying to grab her in a full body hug. Before he could however, she managed to scoot to the side and smack him on the arm. As he rubbed his battle wound, feigning hurt, she shrugged.

“I just wanted to find you since neither of you seem to be carrying your phones, and let you know that the team is landing. They’ll be back shortly.”

“Oh shit.” You bee-lined right for the showers and sped off, leaving Penelope and Derek in the dust.

“Better be quick! Don’t want Hotch smelling all ya nasty!” Derek yelled playfully after you. You flipped him the bird as you continued on, and heard another laugh accompanying his. They were so dead.

The shower was meant to be fast, but boy did it feel amazing to have the hot water roll over you after a long training session. You wanted to collapse right onto the floor, but part of you reminded you that the floor was shared by many and that was NOT the ideal. So, you focused your energy on actually cleaning yourself. It didn’t take long but turning off the water made you whine internally. The only thing keeping you focused now was the prospect of seeing Aaron, even if he did need to get paperwork done. If you hadn’t been so relaxed during the shower, you would’ve noticed that there was someone else in the room with you. As you stepped out in your towel, you realized the noise of running water was still on going. You thought it would be weird to just ask who else was there, so you didn’t. The sudden lack of water running let you realize someone else was getting out. You dropped the hold on your towel in your haste to get out and were glad you had at least had the time to throw on your underwear before stepping out. As you bent down to grab it, you saw someone coming out of one of the stalls near you. _Fuck._

And there he was, in his glorious, wet dark hair, nicely chiseled only a towel self. Aaron. The noise that came out of your mouth was akin to a mouse squeaking. You both froze like deer. For half a second more he kept eye contact, before shutting his eyes and turning his head away from you. That helped to remind you that you were, in fact, currently bent over in only a pair of panties and no top whatsoever. You shot up like an arrow and slapped the towel around your upper half again.

“Uhhhh, hey.” And honestly, you wanted to slap yourself. That was the best you could say? All you had? He snorted lightly and kept his eyes averted.

“Hey.” He said back, god this was awkward. And he was still dripping. At least he had the decency to not stare at you. You on the other hand, did not have that decency at the moment. The urge to just walk right over to him, drop the towel, throw off your underwear and jump on him was incredible. It’d been a while since you’d had any sex after all. That would, of course, be totally inappropriate. Which you had to remind yourself adamantly.

“I’m uhh, going to go put some clothes on. And I will see and talk to you…later.” You slowly managed to get out. He said okay back, giving a quick peak towards you now that the towel was covering you before you turned on your heel and sped out of there. Now in the locker room, you sat down on the bench and took a few breaths.

“It is absolutely unfair how hot he is.” You let slip out of your mouth as you hung your head.

“You ran into Hotch, huh Y/n?” A voice laughed to the far left of you. Your head perked up and you shrunk under her gaze.

“Hey Em.” She raised her eyebrows at you, smirking all the while.

“What,” she teased, “you’re not gonna answer my question?” You sneered at her jokingly.

“I don’t need to when you already know the answer,” you took a breath and composed yourself, “besides, you know you’re the one I’m truly mad for.” You sent her a wink.

“And you know, you couldn’t handle me.” She sent back the same wink, which seemed much more potent than the one you’d sent to her. She was right and there was no question about it. At least you could handle Hotch. No inuendo intended. Maybe.

“So, he just ran to the showers first, don’t you all have hotel rooms to use on your trips?” You asked as you grabbed your clothes out of the locker.

“Yeah we do, but hotels do have check out times and sometimes we loose our time on them. Which is one of the worst parts of the job when you’ve got someone’s blood on you.” She said as she began to undress.

“Yuck. I figured but still didn’t need the image in my mind.” She tilted her head and apologized. As you finished buttoning your blouse, you remembered the paperwork aspect of their jobs.

“Did you already finish your paperwork?”

“Yeah,” she said as she grabbed her towel and toiletries, “I usually finish them or get most of it done on the plane ride back. Depends on how long the ride is. But we don’t have nearly as much as Hotch. So he might be a bit distracted for a while. I know JJ wants to decompress a bit with some girl time, and since you’re one of the girls now, and you shouldn’t go out in public with any of us intoxicated, I figured Garcia could grab us a few bottles and some snacks and we could all crash here with you tonight.” Your heart ached.

“Emily, that’s really kind and I love that I’m kind of one of the group now but if you all wanna go out to the bars, do it. Don’t let me hold you back.” She put her free hand on her hip.

“There’s no ‘kind of.’ You are one of us. You’re family. And you’re not holding anyone back from anything. That asshole certainly is holding you back from enjoying your life.” You nodded your head. She was right. You could be going out to the bars with them in public and being drunk and letting loose. But he wouldn’t let you. It was too dangerous.

“And now that I can see you understand what I’m saying, go let Garcia know what stuff you’d like. I know she knows all your favorites, but everyone can be picky depending on the night.” She smiled softly at you and you returned it.

“Did you already tell her what you wanted? Or do I need to? The sooner she knows, the sooner we can start.” She turned to head into the shower room and let you know she was already ahead of you. It was times like this you felt really loved. Seen. You threw on your last shoe and left to go find Penelope. You bumped into Rossi as he was heading home for the night.

“You look squeaky clean. Run into anyone in the showers?” His smirk was huge, but you played along.

“I did see Emily as I was leaving. We’re having a girls night.” You proudly stated back, hoping he wouldn’t ask if she was the only one you’d seen. He mocked offense.

“And I didn’t get an invite? Where’s the solidarity around here?” You gave him a small hug and maneuvered around him.

“Next time, old man. Next time!” He chuckled at the nickname you’d given him and waved goodbye. It was a good thing he was so tired from the trip, otherwise he’d have definitely picked up on you not telling him the entire truth about the showers. The walk to the briefing room was brisk, and Penelope was already writing down a giant list.

“P, I thought this was a girls night, not a ‘rob the grocery and liquor store of their entire stock’ night?” You joked upon entering.

“Well, I’ll have you know, it’s always better to be prepared. I’m about to order the take out, and will pick that up on the way back from the store. So my love, tell me what your stomach and heart desires and I shall retrieve them for you.” The bow at the end was a little much but still made you laugh. You told her exactly what your stomach wanted but as you considered what your heart desired, you eyes wandered across the room to see Aaron coming in to begin his paperwork.

“You’ve got it bad.” You jumped a little and scrunched your face as JJ came in, hands full of blankets and pillows.

“No, I don’t!” Before you could say anything else, Penelope chimed in.

“Oh yeah she does!” You huffed, made it seem like you were going along with their teasing while seeming to help JJ set up, and smacked her with one of the fluffier pillows.

“And it looks like your arm has it bad.” She and Penelope both gasped dramatically before launching at you. The sounds of your collective laughter filled the room for a few minutes before you all collapsed onto the couch that had been brought in. As you caught your breaths, Emily’s voice was heard.

“I wasn’t even gone for that long and you’re all already done for the night? Weaklings.” She scoffed. JJ, Penelope, and you glanced at each other before launching at Emily. It was only fair after all. Another ten minutes later and you all had come up with the actual plan for the night. The food had been picked out, and snack and drink list written, and movies ready to go. Penelope was about to call the order in when a knock came from the door.

“Mind if I add an order? I don’t think I’ll be going home for a while.” Aaron asked, his head only slightly in the room. Absolutely considerate. You two made the briefest of eye contact before averting again. It was a bit embarrassing after all. You had frozen a mental picture of him in only a towel and felt the blush creep up on your cheeks as you recalled it. Penelope agreed of course and after he had ordered, she made the call and was off with Emily to grab the essentials.

You were nudged as soon as the door had been closed behind them.

“What was that?” Of course, JJ had seen the interaction. You avoided her eyes as the blush came back.

“Nothing unusual.” She poked your arm.

“Nu uh. Spill. You know Garcia saw it too so you might as well tell me now and maybe I’ll help save you from her embarrassing you.” You caved and told her what had happened in a rushed voiced. At first her jaw just dropped but after fully grasping it all she busted out laughing.

“Good for you Y/n! This is a great night, I’m loving this.” You told her to shut up but you were very happy. It was a great night. The rest of the night somehow got better. You were used to happy things being ruined but this night, you got to keep being happy. You and the girls drank and laughed until you nearly peed yourselves, and Hotch even took a break to eat his food and watch some of a movie with you all. He sat right next to you during it. You even let your pinky fingers cross during it. The hangover the next day was not pleasant for any of you, but it had been such a fun night that it didn’t matter. They really were a family. And you were a part of it now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay!! I really wanted a lighter chapter. The clips where the BAU is all together with the happy music makes me feel amazing and I thought it fit well into the story. Also it's always good to have a breather from the hard topics that have come up, will be coming up. Hope you're all enjoying your 2021 so far!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it (as much as one can). Since this chapter was so long, I'll try to make the next be about the same length so it might take some time (also some mental strength so I'll need breaks). Please let me know if I missed any trigger warnings


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